When I was young there was a constant well-founded cry against the increasing commercialization of Christmas. Of course, it was all to little avail as the commercialization has continued steadily. Now, oddly enough, there are apparently those who think that Christmas is not commercialized enough. Wal-Mart and others are criticized if they use the terms “season’s greetings” or “happy holidays” or any other variation other than Christmas. They are accused of irreligiousness by trying to cut Jesus out of sales.
Naturally, their motivation in not using the word Christmas has nothing to do with religion but with extending the selling season and increasing sales over a long period of time. Yet somehow some profess to believe that not mentioning the name of Christ in connection to increased holiday sales is disrespectful ro religion. When I was growing up the concern worked the other way around.
To solve this debate perhaps it is time we finally eliminated all distinction between the two divergent strands of Christmas, the secular holiday story of Santa and the religious holy day of the birth of Jesus, and merge them together once and for all.
The Christmas Story Updated
Once upon a time, at that time in Judea, a census decree was put forward to force citizens to their place of ancestry to have their heads counted. The Roman sanctioned leader of Judea at this time was an evil man who had it on good authority but dubious justification that a child was to be born who would eventually be king and threaten the ruling dynasty. He ordered all the newborns in Bethlehem to be slaughtered. An angel warned Mary and her hubby and they went off to Egypt just after Thanksgiving late in the year of -1 to shop for holiday savings on Black Friday in the well stocked ancient malls and agoras of Egypt.
Now up to this time in history there had only been Christmas eves passing uneventfully that never culminated in a Christmas.
So when they returned just in time for Christmas to Bethlehem (which always looks in our imaginations a whole lot like a little town in New England) it was crowded and clogged with Christmas travelers and holiday shoppers and the Holiday Inns of the time were chocked full. Finally, on the edge of town they found a seedy little place called the Little Manger Inn Motel. It was filled with shepherds and humble folk who parked their livestock out front to graze. There was much baaing, mooing and bleating of sheep, goats and camels which was what passed for evening entertainment in the days before cable.
To pass the time the simple shepherds were playing a popular local game to see who could throw the most junk on a cedar tree and get it to stick. This led to the modern practice that we now call “trimming” the Christmas tree. Joseph and Mary had washed their respective socks and hung them on the crude chimney without particular care. Now we put our names on them and hope to have them filled with trinkets. Some sort of early, rowdy Germanic polka band in the Mosey Inn Motel next door was rehearsing their next gig by singing something about O Tannenbaum (whatever that was), in response to which someone in one of the rooms on the other side of them rudely suggested at the top of their lungs that all they really wanted to hear was “Silent Night.”
Suddenly, amazingly, though it was a very warm climate where such things rarely happened, it started to snow. Then they all heard a clatter and commotion on the rooftop. Rushing out to see, the shepherds were astonished as Santa Claus and eight tiny reindeer swooped down from the stars and landed there. Soon down the chimney Santa Claus himself squeezed carrying a big bag full of toys and the little baby Jesus in swaddling clothes. He laid the little baby Jesus in the crib they had prepared for him.
At this time the luminous sky was filled with heavenly angels singing Ave Maria, What Child Is This and excerpts from the Halleluiah Chorus. Far below, hundreds of little elves suddenly appeared from nowhere and started high-fiving each other while a crooner stepped forward to sing Jingle Bells, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas.
As for the crèche crashing Santa he was all “ho, ho, hoing,” around, doing his thing and laughing jovially while all watched approvingly as his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly. There were cocktails and egg nogs and gifts galore from everyone’s shopping spree in Egypt’s stores. Joseph got an ugly tie and cheap cologne and Mary got a pink bathrobe with matching fuzzy slippers. The best gifts, of course and hasn’t it been this way ever since, went to the kid.
Then three “kings” arrived as if by magic from the east, bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, video games and myrrh. They said they had followed a “star” to find the Little Manger Motel, perhaps even of the magnitude of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or Madonna, depending on who was endorsing the store whose credit card they hadn’t yet maxed out. Fortunately, due to bank thefts and the incompetence of the authorities an economic depression was sweeping across all the land which meant all the toys and gifts were on discount. So everyone spent lavishly and a splendid time was had by all. The only one who was excluded from the frivolity was that old Grinch Herod.
They were all still happily singing all the old Christmas carols which, even 2,000 years ago started up just after Halloween, just as they do today… when an unfortunate thing occurred. Some outsiders showed up and tried to wish everyone a happy Hanukah and erect an eight branched menorah, but that tradition never really caught on. It was just too far fetched, right, like anyone really would believe there were any Jews present at the birth of Jesus?
Then suddenly as he had come, Santa pushed off shouting. “Now Dasher, now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet, On Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen! Now dash away, dash away, dash away all! Merry Christmas to all and all a good night.”
At this Mary and Joseph and all the shepherds angels and elves came outside to wave goodbye and heard Santa say as he made one last pass over the Manger Motel, “Remember don’t forget all the post Christmas sales where there will be many, many good buys to help fuel our stagnant economy.”
And that’s how Santa Claus started Christmas and delivered Jesus to the world. Our first Christmas present. Then, after starting Christianity, Jesus rose from the dead and went to live with Santa at the North Pole which is where heaven is. And always remember this simple lesson of Christmas; shop baby shop and never stop, stop, stop until you drop, drop, drop.
This is the true meaning, the true miracle, the message of Christmas in the modern world.
